Living outside the box

I have always struggled to fit into social groups. I find that I never quite find the groove that makes a certain crowd ‘click’. I can’t really describe myself as anything, and that has always frustrated me. I am not quite hardcore enough to be considered ‘alternative’ or ‘hippy’, but I am not entirely ‘mainstream’ either. I am like a fringe dweller of sorts, which I find both interesting and frustrating.

For example-
I believe in a womans right to choose to homebirth- but opted for hospital births myself.
I support a womans right to work outside the home, believe strongly in education and career, and overall female equality- but am a stay-at-home mother within a conventional style marriage.
In principal I do not believe in organised religion, and consider it a man-made construct to turn spirituality into a ‘business’- but am sending my kids to a Catholic school.
I yearn for a back-to-basics lifestyle, with vegie gardens, chooks, composting, home baked bread, rain tanks… but have just moved to be closer to the city.

My rationale for the choices I make are based on ranking my beliefs based on personal importance. FOr me, access to a good education for my kids outweighs my spiritual and feminist beliefs, and in order to receive that education my desire for a back to basics lifestyle has to be put on the back burner. It also means that my core beliefs don’t really fit with the people who are around me, but my choices ensure that I dont really fit with the people who share my core beliefs.

Sometimes, I would like to incorporate myself into a group and just ‘know’ that we share similar values and interests, but then if I fit neatly into any type of box I would start questioning my self and my choices, whether they are truly mine or whether I am adopting certain attitudes in order to fit in and follow the crowd.

I think when it comes down to it, everyone just wants to fit in somewhere, and be surrounded by like minded people… but no one can tick every lifestyle box of any social group, usually occupying a space somewhere on the mainstream-alternative continuum- which means you inevitably need to let go of certain core values in order to identify with the crowd.

It can take guts to live outside the box. But at least it is personally authentic and real.