The Bring-a-Plate Conspiracy

Nothing sends me into more of a spin than being asked to “bring a plate”. The whole process gives me conniptions. I never know what to make, or how much. In what shall I serve it? What if everyone brings the same thing? And perhaps worst of all… WHAT IF NOBODY EATS WHAT I BRING??? Visions of my lonely culinary creation standing stoically amongst plates laden with nothing but crumbs is my ABSOLUTE worst nightmare!

This morning Angel Face had her year 2 liturgy at school followed by a morning tea in the undercover area, and her class was asked to bring something savoury. Oh why does it have to be savoury??? I can whip up a mean sweet sensation, but savoury is not my love or my forte!

I trawled my vast cookbook collection, attempting to find that illusive savoury treat that would be both nutritious and memorable, utilising whatever I had in the cupboard, requiring as little time as possible to prepare. The perfect savoury solution was not to be found.

I considered piking on the whole homemade deal and just bringing something…SHOCK…. store bought! I quickly rejected that idea. NO, I am going make something from scratch, and everyone is going to think I am the perfect mother, they are going to marvel at my culinary genius, they will all want to come to my house for dinner. I will reveal that hidden talent I have for effortlessly whipping up something fabulous!

So I eventually decide to make mini quiches. I toiled over the hot oven, whipping together eggs and vegies in a frenzy, artfully placing lovingly halved cherry tomatoes in the centre of each one. My mini quiches were sensational!

The next dilemma I faced was deciding on the appropriate serving receptacle. A plate? A container? A platter? I decided on a large, square container, and I labelled that container clearly… a clever ruse that looked like I was marking my property, but in actual fact was designed to announce to everyone that I MADE THESE AWESOME HOME MADE QUICHES AND THEREFORE I AM A FANTASTIC AND TALENTED MOTHER!!!

We arrived at school and Angel Face placed the container of quiches on the designated table, and we all went to the year two Mass in the school chapel. After an hour of singing and praising the Lord it was time for the good bit- the morning tea! Waiting to bask in the glory of my culinary prowess, I arrived at the undercover area, ready to judge all those parents who brought *SHOCK* store bought fare.

I searched the laden table for my quiches, only to find someone had laid them out lovingly onto a square platter. Smugly, I figured they obviously thought my awesome quiches were TOO GOOD to be in a plastic container. Helping myself to a range of food, I saw a container similar to mine holding Samboy Barbecue Chips and Cheezels. Pfft, who would bring THOSE additive ridden evil things to a function such as this???

As I travelled down the table and closer to those nasty snacks, I realised with a sick dread…. SOMEONE HAD REMOVED MY QUICHES AND PLACED THOSE SAMBOY CHIPS AND CHEEZELS IN MY CONTAINER!!!! And the container was placed in a way so that OUR NAME WAS SHOWING ON THE SIDE, ANNOUNCING TO THE WORLD THAT I HAD IN FACT SUPPLIED NASTY ADDITIVE FUELED CHIPS TO OUR CHILDREN!!!!!

I looked around furtively expecting other home cooking mothers to be shaking their heads at me in disappointment and ridicule, and I weakly stammered, “no, you don’t understand… the quiches….” I lowered my head in defeat.

I bet the person who brought the chips also brought the platter displaying my quiches in a calculated ploy to claim glory for someone elses home cooking efforts. It is a conspiracy, I tell you!